yes it feels like i have been walking on air...
weightless,like a feather xxx
still days coming and going in a blur,,,
my days have been occupied by a lot of thoughts and feelings that even me cant describe.
and i can teven writte them down for everythign gets jumbled up and i get so confused itsjust
impossible xxxx
is this how it is to feel something and you try to suppress it??
i have felt sadness,grief,love,happiness in my life...
....but never actually tried to stop them....
well,obviously anger is a different thing,it is something that should be controlled but this feeling
is now irrelevant to me ....
...i just cant say it out loud or write it down or do anything about it,,, i unconsciously locked it.
i locked it too afraid to let it out,,,and now i dont know how to deal with it...
yesterday before i finished my work,my male boss kindly asked me what i will do for the weekend,
so i said well,i am in london as i am a grand prix widow for this weekend haha!!! and spending time with friends ...
male boss offered me and his wife red wine to end the week ,,,
so,as we chatted,lady boss suddenly asked :
'is everythign ok?you dont seemyourself lately?'
male boss:yeah,there is somehting going on?
me:haha!!! nono,i feel the same!!! (i lied!!)
boss:well,ok,are u sure everything is ok at the studio?would u like me to check your underfloor heating?'
me:sure,but i am not worried ...
boss: u know if there is anything you can tell us??
me:i will,by the way can you give me 5 grand???
boss:(surprise on his face) i nearly chokd on my wine!!! was it for somethign urgent??
me; haha i was joking!!!!!
so that broke it,we talked about the market,this week was a bad week in the city,so he feels so stressed
never mind the problems when he gets home!!! lol
at some point he said t the youngest boy for being very difficult,,, 'i will gladly sell you in the market for free i wont even check the value of sterling!!!' hahahahaa!!!!
when i think about things,sometimes inspite of a lot of difficulties and struggles or things that happen everyday that contributes to a whole lot of situations,,,i still am still lucky xxx
not in everything maybe,but we cant just have everything when we want them xxx
maybe this is the reason why i feel this way?life is not a one way road and i think its difficult to feel that if i do let this go,let out completely,i will find out i was wrong!
assuming for another person is always a difficult thing to do xxx
make me your radio,turn me up when you feel low...songs are very good to express everything that you cant xxx
my darling sugardaddy...how did things turn out this way???
it is unbelievable how this is making me feel inside,its overtaken my days,my nights...
if this is an illness it will be called "functioning lovesick peson" haha!!!
this is madness,and i cant control it,for a born aries this is unheard of...
...but i just cant.
heard his voice last night..as soon as he answered 'hello..' that unmistakable linger in his voice,,
made my blood wake up,that electric feeling ... makes me want to jump and go on top of him!!!!
right that moment,,,thats how intense how i feel for him,physically and sexually and everything else that goes with it...and i am truly scared of it!!! i cant even bring myself to say bye after my phone call to him and just hang up,,,i feel awful having to say,bye...how strange i am turning out to be!!!
bloody hell...
so,now this is how it is at the moment for me,so,if there is going to be an explanation for it,which i know there is,but i just deny it to myself,fully aware that i should not even be feeling this way,,,,
but i am human...and hot blooded at that ;)
it is impossible for me to ignore them...
if this is how it feels to be walking on air,yes i feel it very much at the moment xxxxxx
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